Stacking Pennies and Fabulously "Broke" both did an entry on this subject (originating from Stacking Pennies), and I found it interesting and thought-provoking.
As Stacking Pennies put it - "Financial independence of those of us in our twenties has been a bit of a hot topic in the past month or so. From minor “handouts”of meals and gifts, to tax exclusion gifts, to nothing at all, the level of help we get from our parents varies widely. I’ve considered myself financially independent for quite some time, but I wanted to take a minute and reflect on what I have received, what I still receive, and what I expect to receive in the future."
In the past I’ve received:
My parents sent me to a private pre-school, and in a small town, it was made up of all of the people I associated with on a regular basis from the Country Club, Girl Scouts, RARO, and ballet/dance classes. After attending public elementary and middle school education, I then attended Chatham Hall after barely surviving an awful 9th grade year at the local public high school. That ran about 25k a year, but I earned scholarship money so I have no idea how much that expense really ran. However, with books, my weekly allowance, trips abroad (Costa Rica), trips within the US (roomies and friends and school trips to SC, NC, Boston, NYC), and mixers (Woodberry Forest, Episcopal High School, Hargrave Military, Virginia Episcopal, Blue Ridge School) - those ran up the monthly charges I sent home. I had vocal lessons but both of my grandmothers contributed for that. Likewise with summer camp, I think a grandmother paid for half so the other 1/2 was paid for by my parents.
College: As I had gone to Chatham, in high school I had no cell phone and no car - so that expense came up with college. Mom added me to her Verizon account and she gave me her old convertible (Sebring, candy apple red!) and my Dad upgraded it by having a CD player installed into it. I went to a private Methodist college (Randolph-Macon in Ashland, VA) and while I had a lot of scholarship money, I didn't get enough to completely cover my tuition. However, I did not understand my Dad when he had me sign papers --- turns out most of the leftover money I had put into loans in my own name. (Didn't get that understanding). I think all in all my parents have only had to spend about $25k in full for my college tuition, as the past 3 years I have paid for myself and with gift money from my Grandfather.
Car and Insurance: My Mom loaned me her car when she wanted a new convertible and that '97 Sebring served me well from 2003-2007. She and Dad then gave me permission to trade it in when my Grandfather gave me money for a "less sad-looking" car in 2007 (i.e. Sebring had a vinyl top that was shot and paint had faded to a sad burghundy, no longer Candy Apple). So that was when my Grandfather and I bought my current car. Even though I haven't lived in Rockbridge County since 2004 - my car's legally still named there - only because my Insurance is under my parent's account as it shares the account of their home insurance, mortgage, etc, so it really is in their favor I keep it there as long as possible - but I think that time is running out now!!!
Free rent during college: I didn't live with my parents in college except for 1 semester before going to Sweet Briar for a semester. When I was at Macon, my rent was included in my scholarship and I was lucky enough to get an, albeit outdated and ghetto, suite, a suite in a coed dorm nonetheless (coed by floor!! scandal for all girls boarding school me!).
Still receiving:
Cell phone plan: My Mom still has my phone, her phone, my Dad's phone, and my brother's phones all on the same Verizon account. I am at the expense of $15 a month, unlimited minutes and texts, etc. But our total monthly charge is rarely over $120, and if you divide that by 4 it's really a good deal.
Gifts: My parents are extremely generous people. If I ever genuinely need anything and Michael and I cannot work something out, I will ask for their assistance. This past semester, with tuition having gone up, I did have to ask for about $100 in textbook money. When I have holidays and birthdays, they always give me the best gifts in the world, some material, and some useful (like groceries --- I love applesauce and expensive jams/jellies and so they will indulge these loves!!), and they really don't spoil me so much as enjoy the thought behind giving as I do.
Meals: As I go home about 1x every 2-3 months, I really don't get asked to pay. When my Dad or Mom has a day off from work, they may meet me, or me and Michael, for lunch somewhere (especially Dad as he has been our Realtor on the house), and I might pay for the gelato dessert or the sodas at the movies, but they don't expect me to do anything else - and almost adamantly refuse to accept any kind of monetary assistance. They have told me when I am done with college I can expect to pay for the occasional dinner, and unless they are visiting Michael and I and we are hosting them, I am definitely going to insist on paying because when you are hosting someone it is so rude, ( I really hate when people do this ), to expect the guest to pay. If they want to buy a lunch, okay, but not a nice dinner out or something like that. So TACKY!!!
Wedding: They paid for some of my older half-sister’s wedding (she married older at 30), which I estimate cost around $5k total and no way did they spend that much on her. I mean, she is older, and she and her husband have a very nice comfortable income with her choosing not to work and his being an engineer. Our tastes are very different, and so as she is my Mother's eldest my Mom spent more than my Dad. My Mom's parents also contributed as she is their oldest grandchild (of 12) and she and my Mom lived with them in the 1970s as she was going through a rough divorce. However, when I get married, it will be in my hometown, at my Dad's alma mater, and at the church I grew up at. Therefore, it will likely not be as expensive as it was for her, trying to coordinate a wedding from Atlanta to the wedding site in Virginia. As a current (forever?) VA native, I will be much more hands on and will not need to hire a wedding planner. The church will be free, as I am a life member, and I will of course donate to the church in honor of the pastor (whose son I was totally enamored with in high school - he was my Senior formal date!), and the musicians who trained me vocally when I started my music career - they may require a fee, but it will be minimal. The reception will be at W&L, I think the most expensive things would be Open Bar - which Michael will likely pay as my parents do not drink alcohol and I don't want them to feel pressured to pay for that, and the music, which I hope will be done by Charlottesville Swing Orchestra, a wonderful big band with talented area musicians I greatly enjoy. Both of those things cannot be more than 10,000 - but I plan on having a larger wedding, as I work, and because Michael and I work together in the same Federal Building, we feel it would be best to invite many of our coworkers - and that by itself is around 50 people if not more in just our building. We also have coworkers from Harrisonburg, Roanoke, and then my Camp Seafarer, Chatham Hall, Rockbridge County, Randolph-Macon, Charlottesville, and Richmond friends, his Army, Long Valley, Marshal service and Jiu-Jitsu friends. And our family! And our family friends (incl. politicians, etc) Yeesh!
Going Forward:
Michael is buying himself and I a house, and naturally the next thing will be engagement. I am trying to pay off most all of my student loan and credit card (from college) debts so we can have that extra $300 month go to our wedding fund. I want my parents to pay for as little as possible. However, because of my parents, and my grandparents, a certain level of popularity will be surrounding this wedding. I would expect no less than 250 attending, unless the economy hasn't recovered in the next 2-3 years. I would also anticipate this wedding wouldn't - obviously you all knowing my tastes - be a wedding that is average in Lexington. The cake will not come from Wal-Mart, the picture in the paper wasn't done at CVS, and then reception won't be in the hall off of the side of my church. It will be formal, and there won't be a DJ playing hip-hop. So, naturally, it won't be cheap. Again, not expecting my parents to pay for most of it if we can help it. But because of my family's ties it may be the last hurrah for a long while in entertaining. I also know they are planning to retire, and so Michael and I are trying our best to prevent any extra expenses from touching them. For example, I really don't want to have to worry about my parents being obligated to pay for anything associated with me for much longer - health insurance doesn't count as I am still in school and still not married yet - but car insurance is like $650 a year I could do on my own or tied with Michael and our own home insurance. I don't plan on ever asking them for health when I finish my Bachelor's, Masters, or start my J.D. I will start insisting on covering dinner out on occasion. I don't want them to expect that they need to pay for major car repairs as they occur, or replace my laptop, or anything like that. I continue to be impressed by the thoughtfulness that surrounds my direct family, as we are generous to each other while also remaining useful (the Coach wallet they gave me is a good example, as I needed a new wallet but it wasn't super-super expensive). I have not been on vacation with my parent's since August 2003, at least on their wallet - the trips we have done have been paid for by my Dad's parents, who spend the money as gifts to us as they enjoy spending time with our direct family. However, last summer they tried to coordinate a beach trip but that didn't work out and they along with my brother had to go alone. Dad and I did go to a Dave Matthews concert a couple of years ago while my Mom traveled over 6 weeks in China with my brother (who lives in China). I hope that at some point Michael and I can do a trip with them - even just to the beach to spend time with them. Good quality thank you time. Especially since my Dad is taking NO commission on helping with our house purchase, not even closing $$, even though the economy sucks - that is $7500 he isn't getting in his pocket. Which is immensely generous.
What about you? Make your own post, or leave a comment!
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